we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
