Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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