dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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