can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
