Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
