We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
