She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
