A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
