Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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