she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
