I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
