I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
a search helicopter?!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
