I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
