I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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