There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
