The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
