And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
