I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
