oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
