Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
