also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
