I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
high people should be assigned attendants
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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