it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize