are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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