How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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