I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
