it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
