i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
