The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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