4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
