I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
