Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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