Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
