I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
