THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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