so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
