I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
