Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
