Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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