did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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