My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
