everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
