I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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