Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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