How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
