you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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