I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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