Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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