hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
