I smell stomach acid.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
