no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
