Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
