If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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