I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
