goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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