some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
