dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
