My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
