just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i out mim tonsoeep
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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