Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
