WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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