Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
try to milk me bitch
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
