guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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