the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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