He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
