Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
