He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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