No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
