Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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