Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
