We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
