Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
