meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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