She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
