You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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