he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
