sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
