I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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