Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize