I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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