the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
